return my video game
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize