there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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