Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
