I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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