just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
