And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
