Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
