Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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