i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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