I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
