at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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