i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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