I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
