Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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