I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.