Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You coming home soon, man?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.