Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?