Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
