What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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