i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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