so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She bit a glass in half.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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