It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
