I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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