I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
