I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
