haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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