So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ass is underappreciated
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize