Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
where are my eyebrows?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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