I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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