I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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