My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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