there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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