You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i think im in europe. pls send help
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
