i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
