Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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