oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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