I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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