in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
