Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
