I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
