you would pick up someone in the library
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
