Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
