at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
