You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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