You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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