He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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