So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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