So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
