guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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