No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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