It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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