y did u give ur computer a hand job?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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