when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
