I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
