Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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