I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
