I just saw a hot homeless man
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
