just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
