My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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