please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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