I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
