All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
